1) Never decide to play for "just a couple minutes" while trying to boil water on the stove. Disaster will occur. Similarly, one should never play Skyrim when a pie is in the oven.
2) Sobbing "Why do I keep dying? It's not fair!" into the screen does not actually help anything.
3) Cursing does not help.
4) Spend everything immediately, because if you can't get to your bloodstain again, you will lose everything and gain nothing for it.
5) Death is your gift. No, you're not Buffy the Vampire Slayer (even she didn't die this many times), but use your death strategically to figure out how to get through levels, and try to die in strategic places if you can. Ideally, in a spot that you can reach again (see above for why).
6) Frustration will happen. Avoid screaming, because what will the neighbors think.
7) When you've FINALLY gotten past the EFFING TAURUS DEMON and are THEN KILLED by an EFFING WYVERN AND LOSE ALL YOUR EXPERIENCE. Don't panic. Don't stop playing. Just push through, riding on your learned responses and reflexes, because if you set the game aside, you will not be able to get back to your blood stain due to being out of practice.
8) When you've finally gotten past the EFFING WYVERN-- yes, that is its true name, I swear-- you will be killed by rats. SUCKS TO BE YOU.
9) Make use of that shortcut in the Undead Burgs. The shortcut is beautiful.
10) If anyone ridicules you for only getting midway through the Undead Burgs before taking a several month long rest, quietly murder them. They deserve it. Because even as far as you got is amazing. You are a survivor. Please try not to be tempted to play again, because it is unhealthy. It is masochistic. It's a ton of fun.
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